I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
