Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
