Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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