Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
