he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
