Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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