Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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