those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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