and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
