Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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