I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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