i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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