i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
