he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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