so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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