Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
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We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
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Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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