The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
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I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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