I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
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no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
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You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize