he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
