I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
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And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
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I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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