My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
