Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
