well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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