Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
