Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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