That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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