I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
