Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
