There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
