I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize