He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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