You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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