True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Vodka?
Forever.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
