I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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