shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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