i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
