I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
