It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
