you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
There's always time for handjobs
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
