I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
