Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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