I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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