Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Randomize
