you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
