i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
