Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
