You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
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It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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