Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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