I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
