My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
