why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize