ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
