sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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