i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
