found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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