i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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