The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
