Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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