If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
