Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
