I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
