The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
