I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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