Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
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Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
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He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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