She's JV to your varsity
no. you can't hotbox the world.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
