Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
