A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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