My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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